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My First Experience With the iPad

When I got off the phone with Apple after their informing me they were overnighting me a review iPad I was simply blown away. And now I am blown away once more after having spent the past hour using it.

First, It's lighter than I expected. When I fired it up it found my house wi-fi right away, and it took me a few minutes to remember the crazy long password I set up for the wi-fi, but once it's in the system remembers the password so luckily I can forget it once again.

I went to iBooks and tried it out. I bought seventeen books. I read them all in 45 minutes. With the iPad, everything is accelerated. And I am hungry for more. After I finish this blog post, which I am simply thinking and the iPad is typing for me by reading my mind, I plan to buy another dozen or two books and devour them all by dinner-time.

The video is stupendous. I was literally stupended when I viewed it, and my wife had to call the doctor to see whether being stupended to such a degree was safe or not. Viewing a movie on the iPad was so jaw-dropping that I believe I may have suffered permanent injury, we'll know tomorrow once I visit my dentist.

iWork is interesting. I was skeptical, I must admit. But this is game-changing. Literally. After I messed around in iWork for a few minutes, all of my games changed. Now I don't know how to play them, which is somewhat annoying. I suspect this is some sort of tactic by Apple and that they hope this will cause people to buy new games. We'll see.

The iPod application on the iPad is what you would expect, if you're used to the iPhone's iPod app. But I was delighted to see Apple throw in some sixty gigabytes of music from all kinds of genres, including ones I had never heard of. My favorite was African Death Metal Bagpipes. With a good pair of headphones, you can't go wrong listening to it. It's the timbres, so I'm told.

Email was as beautiful, awesome, fascinating, and cool as Mr. Jobs promised, when he called me last night (a little late, but, who's going to tell Mr. Jobs to try back at a better time). I sent a message and received a message. It did everything it was supposed to do, and did it in such a way that filled my life with joy and pleasure. What else could you ask for in a device.

I do have one complaint: the iPad does not pay my bills for me, nor could it help me stop hiccoughing. Sometimes I hiccough when I eat food but don't drink anything, and this was one of those times. Come to think of it, maybe I wasn't supposed to eat the packaging that my iPad came in.

I have long worried about the issue of germs with multi-touch-based mobile devices, ever since I bought an iPhone. Do you have any idea how many billions of bacteria and such inhabit a mere square inch of the surface of your iPhone? And the iPad is much, much bigger. The bacteria are correspondingly larger too, which actually works out to be an advantage, because you can actually see them if you look close, and it's easy enough to scrape them off after an hour or so's use of the device. Just be sure you wash your hands too.

The Google Maps application was beautiful, and with the satellite photos being so much larger on this screen than the iPhone, I finally have proof that neighbors on multiple sides of my property are indeed encroaching and chopping down trees. Needless to say, my attorney has already been notified.

Finally, I must mention the Calendar. I had no idea there were so many days in a month. And that each month has a variable number of days. No wonder I am always missing out on meetings and important calls. But now with my iPad Calendar, I will be able to keep track of my appointments on my own, rather than asking my wife, or stapling post-it notes to my shirt (the sticky stuff never stuck, and I would find notes on the floor in various places long after the appointment date had passed, oh, it's a long story).

The iPad is everything you hoped it would be. It is everything that Apple wants you to want it to be. You will buy more, spend more, read more, communicate more, and most importantly, be happier than you have ever been in your entire life once you get your hands on an iPad. It is the future of the entire Earth and I am so filled with joy I may burst. But I am not concerned because I am confident Apple will have an app for burst-cleanup any time now.

Thinking of posting a comment to this blog entry? That's nice. But please note: As of January 19. 2014, I no longer review comments. So they will never appear. So don't bother. If you want to comment on something you read here, go to twitter and write your comment there and just include "@brianstorms" in the tweet. I am no longer moderating the comments here; I just assume everything is spam and Intense Debate seems to have abandoned support for its product.

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